One girl and one boy is just not enough.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
