Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
