I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
