So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
