He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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