Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
