ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
