What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
