they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
