she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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