Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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