Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
