I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
