I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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