Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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