Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
So apparently I’m into choking now
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