Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
