Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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