okay pat passed out under dana's car
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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