Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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