I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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