Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Randomize
