we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
