somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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