Pappa wants mamma naked
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
