I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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