it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
