He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
