You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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