P.S. I can't hear my feet
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
