i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
What a dumb baby whore.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
