I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
