Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
