I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
