About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
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