we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Green mimosas i think yes
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize
