So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
