Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
