well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Randomize
