She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
