I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
