Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
