Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
