OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
