I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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