Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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