just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
