thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
