he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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