Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
