You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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