Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
