The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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